Family Survival Guide

When a family member is detained or deported, the remaining family faces immediate practical challenges: childcare, finances, housing, and countless decisions that must be made quickly. This guide provides concrete steps to help you stabilize your family and protect your assets.

Immediate Priorities (First 48-72 Hours)

1. Secure Your Children

If your children were with the detained person:

Determine their location immediately
Contact local law enforcement, hospitals, or child protective services if uncertain
Have a trusted adult pick them up if you cannot

If children are with you:

Reassure them they are safe
Maintain routines as much as possible
See Supporting Children Through Trauma

2. Document Everything

Start a binder (physical or digital) with:

What happened (date, time, location, agencies involved)
Names and badge numbers of officers (if known)
Where your family member is being held
Any paperwork given during the arrest
Your own contact information for attorneys

3. Find Your Family Member

To locate someone in ICE custody:

ICE Online Detainee Locator: locator.ice.gov
ICE ERO Contact Center: 1-888-351-4024
You’ll need their full name (as it appears on immigration documents), country of birth, and A-number if known

4. Contact an Immigration Attorney

CLINIC Legal Directory
Immigration Advocates Network
Many organizations offer free consultations

5. Notify Trusted People

Tell 2-3 trusted people:

What happened
What you need immediately (childcare, food, transportation)
How to reach you

Financial Survival

The Reality

Research from KFF shows that families lose 40-90% of their income (average 70%) within six months of a parent’s arrest, detention, or deportation.

A 2018 Census analysis found that when households lose an undocumented breadwinner, family income falls by up to 45%.

This is a financial emergency. Act quickly.

Immediate Financial Steps

Within the first week:

Assess your situation
- What bills are due immediately?
- What income do you still have?
- What savings are available?
- Who owes you money?
Access available funds
- If you have access to joint bank accounts, withdraw what you need for immediate expenses
- If you don’t have access, see Power of Attorney below
Contact creditors proactively
- Mortgage company
- Car loan holder
- Credit card companies
- Utility companies
- Explain your situation—many offer hardship programs
Apply for assistance
- SNAP (food stamps): Contact your local Department of Social Services
- WIC (if you have young children)
- Utility assistance programs (LIHEAP)
- Food banks
- Community organization emergency funds

Creating a Survival Budget

List your absolute necessities:

Category	Monthly Cost
Rent/Mortgage	$
Utilities (electric, gas, water)	$
Food	$
Transportation (gas, insurance, payments)	$
Health insurance/medical	$
Phone	$
Childcare	$
TOTAL MINIMUM	$

Compare to your available income. The gap is what you need to address.

Increasing Income

Short-term options:

Pick up extra hours at current job
Gig work (delivery, rideshare, TaskRabbit)
Sell items you don’t need
Ask family/friends for short-term help

Longer-term:

Apply for better-paying jobs
Seek job training programs
Contact workforce development centers
Consider relocating for better opportunities (see below)

Reducing Expenses

Negotiate bills:

Call every creditor and utility company
Ask about hardship programs, payment plans, or reduced rates
Document all conversations

Cut non-essentials:

Streaming services
Subscriptions
Dining out
Non-essential purchases

Seek free resources:

Food banks and pantries
Community meals
Clothing donations
Furniture/household item giveaways

Financial Assistance Resources

Resource	What They Offer	How to Access
SNAP	Food assistance	Apply at local DSS or online
WIC	Food for women, infants, children	Contact local health department
LIHEAP	Utility bill assistance	Apply at local community action agency
211	Connection to all local resources	Call or text 211
Emergency Assistance Fund	Rent, utilities, food	Check local community organizations
Immigrant Defense Funds	Legal and financial support	Informed Immigrant

Childcare Without Your Partner

The Dilemma

Research shows many families face an impossible choice: needing to work more hours to pay bills but having no one to care for their children.

Childcare Options

Family and friends:

Create a schedule with trusted people
Even a few hours helps
Be specific about what you need

School-based programs:

Before and after-school care
School breakfast and lunch programs
Summer programs

Community resources:

Religious organizations often offer childcare
Community centers
YMCA/YWCA (often have sliding scale fees)

Government assistance:

Child Care Assistance Program (CCAP) in most states
Head Start for children 0-5

Older children helping:

Age-appropriate responsibilities
Don’t put adult burdens on children
Ensure they still have time for school and being kids

When You Have No Childcare Options

If you must work and have no childcare:

Talk to your employer about flexible hours or remote work
Look for jobs with compatible schedules (work when kids are in school)
Seek shift work that allows you to be home when needed
Connect with other parents in similar situations to share childcare

Managing the Household Alone

Bills and Accounts

Create a master list of all accounts:

Account	Amount	Due Date	Login Info Location
Mortgage/Rent
Electric
Gas
Water
Car payment
Car insurance
Phone
Internet
Credit cards
Other loans

Set up automatic payments for essential bills if your income is stable enough.

Set calendar reminders for all due dates.

Accessing Accounts You Don’t Control

If accounts are only in your detained family member’s name:

You may need a Power of Attorney to access them (see below)
Contact the company and explain your situation—some will work with you
Bring marriage certificate, ID, and any proof of shared residence

Vehicle Issues

If the car is in the detained person’s name:

Keep paying the loan and insurance
Carry documentation showing your relationship
Get Power of Attorney added if possible

If you don’t have a vehicle:

Public transportation
Rideshare services
Ask community members for help
Some organizations provide transportation assistance

Home Maintenance

Things your partner may have handled:

Lawn care/snow removal
Minor repairs
Appliance maintenance

Options:

Learn to do basic tasks (YouTube tutorials)
Ask friends/family for help
Hire help only for what’s necessary
Some community organizations help with home maintenance

Power of Attorney and Legal Documents

Why Power of Attorney Matters

According to the National Immigrant Justice Center:

“When people are detained or deported without having legally designated somebody to manage their assets, they might lose access to their accounts or their property.”

Types of Power of Attorney

Type	What It Allows
Financial POA	Access bank accounts, pay bills, manage property, sign financial documents
Healthcare POA	Make medical decisions if person is incapacitated
Limited POA	Specific tasks only (like selling a car)
Durable POA	Remains effective if person becomes incapacitated

Getting Power of Attorney After Detention

If your family member is detained and you don’t have POA:

Contact an attorney immediately
The detained person may be able to sign POA documents while in detention
Some detention facilities have notary services
Work with the attorney to expedite this

If Your Family Member Was Deported

They may be able to:

Sign documents at a U.S. consulate/embassy abroad
Have documents notarized and apostilled in their country
Work with attorneys in both countries

Protecting Your Children: Legal Guardianship

According to FindLaw:

“If a child is not in the custody of a parent for 15 of 22 months, that child may be considered abandoned. If a child is considered abandoned, a court may terminate the parental rights.”

If your spouse was the U.S. citizen parent:

Consult an immigration attorney about your options
Consult a family law attorney about custody

If you are the U.S. citizen parent:

You retain custody
Document that you are the sole caregiver
Consider nominating a backup guardian in case anything happens to you

Documents to Prepare Now

From Informed Immigrant and ILRC:

Keep copies of:

Store in:

A physical binder at home
With a trusted family member or friend
In a secure digital location (encrypted drive, secure email to yourself)

Deciding Whether to Relocate

When Relocation Makes Sense

Consider relocating if:

You can’t afford your current housing
You have family elsewhere who can help
Better job opportunities exist elsewhere
You’re in a hostile jurisdiction
Your family member can return to a specific location

When Staying Makes Sense

Consider staying if:

You have stable employment
Children are settled in school
You have strong community support
Moving would mean isolation
You own property with equity

Factors to Consider

Factor	Questions to Ask
Employment	Can you find work there? What’s the job market?
Housing costs	Will you save money or spend more?
Support network	Do you have people who will actually help?
Children’s needs	How will the move affect them?
Legal considerations	Will moving affect immigration cases?
Your wellbeing	Where will you be mentally healthiest?

Selling Your Home: Protecting Your Equity

Should You Sell?

Consider selling if:

You can’t afford the mortgage alone
You’re relocating
You need the equity for expenses
The property is in only the detained/deported person’s name

Consider keeping if:

You can afford payments
You have stable housing
Property values are rising
It provides rental income potential

How to Protect Your Equity

From HomeLight and financial experts:

Know your equity
- Home value minus what you owe = equity
- Get a professional appraisal or comparative market analysis
- Check recent sales of similar homes
Avoid selling at a loss if possible
- If you’re underwater (owe more than it’s worth), consider alternatives
- Renting it out
- Loan modification
- Forbearance (temporary payment pause)
If you must sell quickly
- Traditional sale gets highest price but takes longest
- Cash buyers are faster but offer less (typically 70-80% of market value)
- “We buy houses” companies are legitimate but offer below market

Forbearance and Hardship Options

If you’re struggling with mortgage payments:

Option	What It Is
Forbearance	Temporary pause or reduction in payments
Loan modification	Changing loan terms to lower payments
Refinancing	New loan with better terms (requires equity and income)
Hardship programs	Many lenders have programs for crisis situations

Contact your mortgage company immediately if you’re struggling. The earlier you communicate, the more options you have.

HOPE Hotline: 888-995-4673 (free HUD-approved housing counseling)

Renting Out Your Home

Instead of selling, consider:

Renting the whole house and moving somewhere cheaper
Renting rooms to help cover mortgage
Using a property manager if you relocate

Caution: Landlording has its own challenges. Make sure you understand the responsibilities.

If You Sell

Get multiple estimates from real estate agents
Negotiate commission rates
Consider flat-fee or discount brokers
Factor in closing costs (typically 6-10% of sale price)
Plan where the equity will go
Consult a tax professional about capital gains implications

Life as a Single Parent

The New Reality

You’re now managing everything alone. This is overwhelming, and it’s okay to feel that way.

What helps:

Lower your standards for non-essentials (the house doesn’t need to be perfect)
Accept help when offered
Build a support team (friends, family, neighbors)
Create routines and stick to them
Take care of yourself so you can care for your children

Telling Your Children

See our trauma guide for age-appropriate guidance.

Key points:

Be honest but age-appropriate
Reassure them it’s not their fault
Tell them they’re safe and loved
Allow them to express feelings
Maintain routines

Maintaining Connection with the Absent Parent

Regular video calls (schedule them like appointments)
Phone calls (even brief ones help)
Photos and videos shared both ways
Voice messages children can replay
Letters and cards (physical mail is meaningful)
Virtual bedtime stories via video
Shared activities (watching the same show “together”)

Research shows that for young children, video communication can have many of the same effects as physical presence.

Co-Parenting Across Borders

Even from another country, the other parent can:

Participate in major decisions
Help with homework over video
Attend events virtually (school plays, sports, birthdays)
Provide emotional support to children
Stay informed about children’s lives

Taking Care of Yourself

This isn’t selfish—it’s survival.

Sleep: Even when it’s hard, rest matters
Eat: Skipping meals catches up with you
Move: Even a short walk helps
Connect: Talk to other adults
Breathe: Take moments of pause
Get help: Ask for it, accept it when offered

See Trauma and Healing for more on coping.

Support Resources

Financial Assistance

Resource	Contact
211	Call or text 211 for local resources
SNAP/Food Stamps	Contact local DSS
WIC	Local health department
LIHEAP (Utility Assistance)	Local community action agency
TANF (Cash Assistance)	Local DSS

Legal Help

Resource	Contact
CLINIC Legal Directory	cliniclegal.org
Immigration Advocates Network	immigrationadvocates.org
National Immigrant Justice Center	immigrantjustice.org
ILRC	ilrc.org

Housing Help

Resource	Contact
HOPE Hotline	888-995-4673
HUD Housing Counseling	hud.gov
Homeowner Assistance Fund	Check your state’s program

Emergency Preparedness

Resource	Link
Informed Immigrant: Family Preparedness	informedimmigrant.com
ILRC Family Preparedness Plan	ilrc.org
CLINIC 50-State Resource	cliniclegal.org

Moving Forward

This is one of the hardest things a family can face. Every day you survive is a victory. Every bill you pay, every child you comfort, every decision you make—you’re doing it.

You will make mistakes. You will have bad days. That’s part of this. Give yourself grace.

Your family is still a family, even across borders. Your love reaches farther than any wall or ocean.

One day at a time. One decision at a time. One breath at a time.

You can do this.